We are IT professionals with an unashamed passion for understanding how things work.
Not everyone understands the beauty of an elegant solution to a difficult problem. But it's what we do.
We take our work seriously; Ourselves? Not so much.
Allow ourselves to introduce... ourselves.
Matt's biggest (and most irritating) asset is his attention to detail. Whether it's spotting bugs in code or spotting grammatical errors in other people's work, Matt will find it and tell you about it.
Usually with an obnoxious smirk on his face.
After a long spell at University honing his analytical skills, gaining a PhD in remote sensing and computer science, Matt has spent the last 15 or so years applying them in Guernsey.
Don't interrupt him if he's in the zone - usual signs are air drumming, fixated stare on random object and/or swearing prolifically - unexpected behaviour
may will result.
Trivia: Matt recovered The One Ring from Mount Doom and now stores it in his beard.
Marc is living proof that delivering IT solutions should be fun. With no shortage of inappropriate jokes and a penchant for punishing people who leave their computers unattended, Marc's no holds barred approach means things get done; and they get done right.
(Sometimes even first time.)
With 15+ years' experience spanning London and Guernsey, Marc never shies away from a challenge.
In fact, if you need something doing, tell him it's impossible and watch him prove you wrong, whilst drawing "space rockets" on things, especially your notepad.
Trivia: Marc was the 6th member of Take That
Jase is a full-on code monkey with an indefatigable taste for biscuits. He often sports unnecessarily tight ball-hugging jogging bottoms. No joke - it's been known to cause power outages.
He particularly likes systems that are protected by 18 layers of VPN / security / authentication and modifying systems that connect to 10 other systems, none of which can be easily tested. He definitely won't whinge about it at any available opportunity.
But he's pretty handy with Blazor, so we let him off. Just don't leave your foods unattended.
Trivia: was a stunt double in The Goonies.
Actual trivia: he does that there data.gg.
More actual trivia: he's barred from the Number 19 golf course bar after ordering them to prepare 23 piña coladas.
Staniel Deadman is our platform ninja. If you need a platform. And a ninja. Then he's your man.
Although he is a little short to be a storm-trooper. That's why he likes platforms! Geddit!? Right? You know, to stand on. Oh.
ANYWAY, if you want a SharePoint potion conjured up (with a pinch of Powershell), then he's your dude. He especially digs doing SharePoint upgrades - the older and more out of date the version the better. SPS Portal Server 2003 to SharePoint 2019 Enterprise? NO PROBLEM! AND moreso if they have an unholy mishmash of custom solutions that haven't compiled in decades. He loves that.
Just be warned that he hummmms (in a musical way.) Except not very musically.
Trivia: D2 still needs stabilisers on his shang.
Danny claims to be "passionate about writing clean, maintainable code and producing software that is easy to use, accessible and that effectively meets client needs." We hope that means good things because all we really know is that Danny is easily the politest and most stylish person in the office. Admittedly that's not saying a great deal, given that jogging bottoms are de rigeur around here, but still. His Rupert the Bear impersonation is second to none.
If that wasn't enough, Danny is (a) very tall and (b) drinks tea by the kegful.
Oh, and he's pretty hand with teh codez too, which is useful for a company like ours.
Trivia: Danny was an extra on Back To The Future even though he was born after it was made. He's still never actually watched it.
Amy is only 4'1" but can throw an american football more than 900m which is pretty impressive and really handy in our line of work.
Fortunately her insane talents don't end there. Not only can she write some well nice code, has somehow escaped years of private banking and regulatory reporting with only mild PTSD, but she's also got an encyclopedic knowledge of champagne-based cocktails. Great!
Trivia: Amy holds the Guinness world record for most spins on an office chair without chundering - 94.
Sam likes code. And sharks. And being silent. Like a ninja.
When Sam isn't lying about liking scripting languages, she can be found smashing up her fingers on a basketball court.
Trivia: Sam speaks fluent Welsh.
Jake is an enthusiastic code warrior who found University too easy and being a game designer not challenging enough. We were so impressed that he convinced us to launch an internship programme just so we could find a slot to inject him in to.
When he's not ripping up the other interns' code, he can be found polishing his DofE (Bronze) and Scouts awards.
Trivia: Jacob has a large collection of Tamagotchi.
We popped "Passionate about building seamless brand experiences with a human-centred, creative, and tech-forward mindset" in to Google Translate and it told us that meant Sophie is right gooder at marketing stuff which is good because we have lots of crap and we're stuff at marketing it.
Or words to that effect. Sophie joins us as our first non-developer-person (albeit with an active interest in learning what we do) which could easily a tear a hole in the delicate Cortex-space-time-continuity. Which is pretty exciting!
Trivia: Before moving to Guernsey, Sophie had never seen water.
We're always on the lookout for interesting new people to add to the team. If you think you could be a fit for us, get in touch. Just be warned, and this is not a joke, we have four different kinds of milk in the office. And
one person doesn't drink tea or coffee at all Edit: oh holy moly, there's another. We found another one. Two people who don't drink tea OR coffee. What the hell is happening. 🤯
Trivia: 173% of the trivia on this site is made up.
pretty much do all the real work (despite being completely fictional)
There's nothing to be confused about. Unless you don't receive the Cortex email newsletter. In which case, yep, this could be confusing. It's a metaphor.
Bob crops up in many places. Usually Git commits and demo portals.
Barbara is a make believe accounts persona. "She" sends invoices but that's about it. And that's mostly just Matt in a dress. (We have an actual proper real-life accountant for actual accountancy duties.)